Losing (and Re-Finding) the Plot
what to do when you don't feel like you
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If you’re new here, think of these writings as walking the path with me, a cup of cacao in hand, while we talk about the unfiltered side of the journey. These pieces are less structured than the lunar essays and more intimate… stories, reflections, and the raw details of what it means to live through change, growth, and becoming.
Where the other essays can feel more like polished teachings, these are windows into the in-between spaces: the questions I’m wrestling with, the thresholds I’m crossing, and the lessons I’m learning in real time.
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Losing (and Re-Finding) the Plot
So… I lost the plot recently. Don’t panic. It’s not some wild unraveling or a TV-worthy downfall. More like I took a casual wrong turn, missed the exit, and ended up wandering around in a mental cul-de-sac for a few weeks. A crash out, if you will. Happens. Not often, but sometimes.
The ingredients? For me… A zesty little mix of studying the most meta topics in school (think: life, death, meaning, purpose, the whole shebang), abandoning my routines (always a terrible idea, by the way), having a bunch of major life changes on the horizon, and… my personal favorite… listening to the peanut gallery. People love to give their opinions and advice on things that do not concern them, unprovoked. Imagine that?!
Here’s what I’ve noticed: when we “lose the plot,” it could be from some internal force pushing us to the edge… OR it could be the external junk that has seeped inside… projections, comparisons, judgments, talking to the wrong people about the wrong things at the wrong time. The problem is that we start listening. But once you turn the volume down on that noise, suddenly you’re like, “Oh, right… Me.”
And honestly, regaining yourself, or the idea of “feeling like yourself,” isn’t that complicated. It’s not about burning your life down or booking a silent retreat in the mountains (unless that’s your vibe, then go off, girl). It’s more about coming back to the basics. You were never lost at all, just maybe buried under a pile of laundry…
And sometimes there’s a catch… The catch is that each time we experience one of these losing/refinding the plot moments, it’s literally an initiation into something else. And each time we cross a new threshold, we may need something different. Different tools, different routines, different practices… That’s the caveat; that’s the work. And this time around, none of my old tools worked, so I had to create a new slew of things to try…
Here’s what actually worked (this time):
1. STOP “identifying” with everything around me.
School doesn’t have to be your entire personality (cough, cough, Carly!!!) And maybe the internet doesn’t have to be a mirror. Other people’s opinions and ways of being don’t have to be your truth. Just let things be. Detach. Not in a nihilistic way, but in a “this isn’t mine” way.
2. Be discerning with your audience.
Not everyone deserves access to all your thoughts, feelings, or plans. Some people are for deep existential chats; others are for martinis. Respect the categories. Trying to force one person to be your Everything Person/Mom/Friend is a recipe for frustration… for everyone.
3. Don’t abandon your routines.
Routines are boring until you lose them. Then you realize they’re the only thing keeping you tethered to yourself. Bookend your days with “you time,” whatever that looks like. Journaling, stretching, rituals, staring at a wall in peace. Doesn’t matter. Just don’t abandon yourself.
4. Back to basics.
Move. Get sunlight. Drink water. Eat real food. Touch something green and don’t bring your phone. These things sound aggressively obvious, but they work because they’re aggressively obvious.
5. Have your secret magic thing.
For me, it’s Taoism and another secret thing. For you, maybe it’s astrology, meditation, or re-watching The Sopranos. The point is: have one sacred, slightly weird thing that’s just yours. Don’t explain it. Don’t share it. Keep it as your personal lifeline.
6. Make a playlist that feels like you.
You know those songs that instantly snap you back into yourself? Collect them. Blast them. Dance around your room. It’s not cringe, it’s medicine. My playlist is called “for when you forget.” What’s on it? Float On- Modest Mouse. Man on the Moon- Kid Cudi. Tuesday- Ilovemakonnen. Kids- MGMT. Trophies- Drake. Crank That- Soulja Boy. 1901- Phoenix. And 50 other absolute bangers. Just press shuffle. You get the song you need when you need it.
7. Employ a Trusted Guide.
Sometimes you need someone outside of your own brain to hold up the mirror and say, “Is this true, babe?” Not a therapist (love them, but different role). Not a friend and not your mom (they love you, but not objective enough). I mean a trusted mentor. That person who actually knows you… your quirks, your goals, your patterns… and can call you back when you drift and spiral. Not coddling, just reminding. Someone who brings you the torch you left at the cave entrance. Because yes, accountability is essential, but I can’t always do it all myself. Sometimes I need that one person to say, “Hey, remember who the fuck you are?” And that reminder always lands.
8. Accept impermanence.
Everything is temporary. Literally everything. Your highs, your lows, your “what even is my life” moments. Nothing sticks forever, which is both the bad news and the good news. Once you really internalize that, you get a weird kind of courage: to keep going, to not take yourself so seriously, to ride the wave.
Here’s the honest timeline: I spent about 25 straight days feeling lost, deblitatingly anxious, and borderline coo-coo for Cocao Puffs. Then I actually committed to these steps, and within 48 hours, I felt like myself again. Not “fixed,” not “enlightened,” just back in my own skin. Which, honestly, is all I was ever looking for.
So sure, I lost the plot. But I found it again. So can you, not by reinventing yourself or solving the mysteries of the universe, but by coming back to basics and laughing at the absurdity of it all.
It's not that deep, but it is also… Kind of.
And the funny thing? Once you’ve lost the plot a few times, it stops being so scary. You realize: you can always get it back because you can literally never actually be lost.
Everywhere you go, there you are.
image from pinterest.
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